I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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