I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
