and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
