The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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