get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
