There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
