So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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