Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
