What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
