I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize