Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
