He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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