did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
