It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
