complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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