I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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