In the future we'll all be gay
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
