did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
