Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
