I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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