I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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