True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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