I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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