just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
