mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
