so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
