Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize