wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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