Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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