i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
