it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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