im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
