Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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