i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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