Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
