the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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