I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
