two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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