Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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