He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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