Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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