I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My penis needs a shock collar
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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