you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
