he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
