you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
