the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
