If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
