if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
