They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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