i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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