I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
