Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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