The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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