We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
