if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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