U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
