I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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