i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
too bad you live with your parents still
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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