so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize