Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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