C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
