btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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