I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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