the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's shark week go big or go home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
