What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
